I have known for a while that she sees the differences between herself and other kids, but this was the first time she actually verbalized her feelings. She's such a strong girl. I am amazed she held it in as long as she did.
She said she wishes she didn't have to wear boots because when her teacher says walk quietly, she can't. "My boots make a clicking sound, so I can't walk quietly, mom." I assured her that the teacher would forgive her, but to her it doesn't matter, she just wants to be like her friends. "I don't like my boots because I can't sit cross cross applesauce. I don't see any other kids in my school who have boots!" All the Frozen hair binders and frilly skirts in the world can't soothe what she knows and now feels every day; she is different, and always will be.
She has been telling me for a couple weeks that she doesn't like school because she has to get up early or lunch is too late. When I asked her last night if these feelings were the truth about why she doesn't like school, she didn't answer, only said "I don't wanna be this kind of kid. I want to be a normal kid. I don't want to be a kid with a brain tumor. It sucks."
I reassured her, as I always do, that she is an amazing kid and she is special in all the best ways. I told her she is beautiful and that I wouldn't want her any other way. I told her through my own tears that I wouldn't want any of the other girls for my daughter because she is the BEST KID and I am lucky to be her mom.
And then we snuggled for a while, and read her book, and sang her song, and she went right to sleep. This morning she woke up singing ... "The cold never bothered me anyway."
Yep. I am a lucky mom to have such a wonderful, strong, and beautiful daughter. I truly believe it, and I will love her and tell her until she believes it too.
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